CRACK-FIC KIND OF
The Adventures of- Drunk!CreepyPasta x Reader- A night to remember
Reader and a bunch of alcohol induced monsters
(Full name), Wicked, Stitchy, BEN, Jeff the Killer, Eyeless Jack, Masky & Hoodie, Ticci Toby Slender man, Splendor man, Laughing Jack, Smile.dog, and Human!Happy Appy
It was late at night, some where around 10 and 11:00, you were at your work, a bartender at a bar, cleaning up the glasses and counters. The bar was suppose to be shut by 8:00, but a large group of people stopped by to have a few drinks. And by people, I mean monsters, and by "have a few drinks" I mean, get totally wasted. This group of monsters are formally known as the CreepyPastas. Your were a good friend of there's actually, which is why you didn't run out screaming bloody murder when they came. They have visited a few times after or before a kill, but they always make sure no one but you are in the building, due to the fact that they are wanted criminals and monsters. You've luckily got all the security camera's shut off every time one stops by, just for them. You were always the last one at the bar, cleaning up the messes the other employees didn't do, and left to shut and lock everything. This was one of the rare times the majority of the Creeps had all came at the same time. Most of them never got along, but tonight, was something to remember. Beer bottles scattered the floor and tables, hiccups leaving every ones mouths, laughs and drunken conversations arose from all over. Only a few lights were left on for your friends awhile all the others, including the ones outside, all the camera's in and outside the bar were off, courtesy of you, while you watched in amusement of these terrifying creatures act anything BUT terrifying.
Slender man was making terrible jokes, telling them to Splendor, who was currently pulling out endless amounts of roses from his pockets and setting them every where, not really paying attention to Slender and his jokes. Smile(yes, the dog) Was trying to drink out of a bottle of beer, but was currently struggling to put some in his mouth, for he hand no hands. Happy Appy was talking to his beer bottle, stroking the side of it and holding it close like it was a child. He was saying something to it, but you were to far away to hear it between the others and a little bit of music you turned on just for them. Jeff kept yelling about declaring war on Russia...
"C'MON GUYS WE GOTTA STEAL...S-STEAL THE...THE STEEAAL FROM THE RUSSIANS! GOTTA GO TO WAAAAAAAAR!!!!" He put his hands in the air, doing some jazz hands motions before picking up his drink and taking a gulp, then starting yelling about how sleep is bad for you...
BEN was currently riding on Wicked's back like a horse, spinning his hat around like it was a rope.
"Faster Wicker basket, faster!" He hollered in a horrible southern accent.
"You fucking fat ass elf I'm trying!" Wicked scowled at him as she hauled BEN around the bar, BEN singing some made up song.
Masky and Hoodie had an arm around each others shoulders, while each one held a beer bottle.
"You know what we should...should d-do..." Masky hiccuped.
"W-what?" Hoodie belched they both swayed slightly from side to side, trying to keep each other up, obviously drunk out of there wits.
"W-we should, should r-rob Burger K-king. I heard there burgers, are like...So, g-good..." Masky laughed.
"Nuh-uh, w-we should go rob da.. Dairy Queen... Yeah..." Hoodie nodded slowly, poking the spot where Masky's nose would be under the mask. Masky burped and clunk his beer bottle with Hoodie's, both then proceeding to take a drink, then belch at the same time, then laughing there asses off. Jeffu had joined BEN and Wicked on there journey around the bar, sitting behind BEN on Wicked's back.
'I wonder if that weight on her back hurts her wings.' You thought, seeing her wings bent down at an unusual angle. BEN had his hat on her head as he and Jeffu planned on attacking Germany. Wait, wasn't it Russia?
L.J was giving E.J a piggy back ride, singing the Pokemon theme song over and over again, but his own version.
"Eating them, is mah real quest! To get them is really hard! O-o-organs! Gotta eat 'em aallllll!" Well, he tried to sing but obvious missed half the song. L.J just skipped around, keeping a hold on E.J as he sung to his hearts content.
Ticci Toby was chasing Stitchy around the bar, but what ever they were fighting for or saying was unheard my any ones ears, since they seemed to use telepathy, for Stitchy was unable to talk. But by the facial expressions, she was quite a amused by whatever was going on, and Toby was either embarrassed or angry about the situation. As you finished the last glasses and cleaned up the mess your friends made, Wicked had crawled over to you and looked up with half lidded eye lids(she only have one eye), telling you she was tired and drunk. You kneeled down to her as BEN started to pet your hair. Wicked gave BEN a 'WTF' face, but you just laughed, looking at BEN who was still petting your hair.
"I'd like to take you home with me..." He giggled like a school girl. Jeffu's head popped up from behind BEN, since he was still on Wicked as well.
"Nu-uh, I'm taking her/him home!" He pointed a pale finger at himself, his smile stretching. BEN sent him a half-hearted glare.
"You dick wads! She's/he's obviously going to be with ME!" Wicked snapped, dropping to her side, causing BEN and Jeffu to crash to the ground., she attempted to get back up, but BEN dragged her down, starting a drunken wrestling match. Jeffu got up and easily crawled past the two dead killers battle and crawled over to you like a cat.
"Soo, how about we get outta here and come to my place? I have a really nice-" He was cut off as he was tackled by Wicked and BEN. "No, I'm taking him/her home!"
"Shut up Wicker basket He's/she's totally going with me!" They started a wrestling like cats all over the floor. You got up and watched for awhile, but turned around to almost have a head on collision with Stitchy. Luckily, she swerved and hid behind you, clutching your jacket with her pale bony fingers. The stitches around her mouth were gone, assuming she took them off to drink. Toby stopped in front of you glaring back at Stitchy.
"Whats the problem?" You ask, catching both the killers attention. Toby twitched, huffing as he crossed his arms.
"Stitchy *twitch* took my *twitch* drink..." He said so childish. You could smell the alcohol off his breath, even behind the smile mask covering his mouth couldn't hide it. You held in a laugh and Stitchy beside you let out a silent laugh, though only heard in your mind.
"I-Its not funny!*twitch*" He hiccuped.
"y-yes it is..." Stitchy telepathically replied. You walked off from them, leaving the two bickering killers. Slender and Splendor seemed to have left, because there was no trace of them around. You shrugged, wiping off the tables for like the 100th time today.
"H-hey (name...), can I have your...your k-kidneys?" You looked up seeing E.J, who was no longer riding L.J's back.
"Um, no...Sorry E.J..." You went back to wiping the table, listening to him whine for a while before he got bored an left. You walked up to Happy Appy, who was currently cradling the same bottle as before, humming lullabies to it. You gave him a "WTF, DA HELL IS WRONG WIT YOU' face, but he was too busy being a father to a bottle to notice. You shook your head and continued picking up the other forgotten bottles and trashing them.
Hoodie and Masky were having a burping contest, and laughing there asses off.
~Timeskip of Wicked, BEN, and Jeffu chasing reader across the screen~~~
It was 1:00 in the morning and the CreepyPastas finally made it home back to the forest. Well, to the forest, your not sure if they made it to the mansion with out passing out, but you were just glad you got the whole bar cleaned up and them out of the way. You got the lights turned off, camera's turned on, and were now home in bed, nice a snug in you blankets. A small smile pulled on your lips as you drifted off to sleep, officially calling this night, the best night of your life...
You yawned, rubbing the sleep from your eyes. Your bed felt a whole lot more heavier than when you fell asleep last night...
You rolled over to your side, facing the other side of the bed, just to come face to face with Jeffu, but that wasn't the scariest part. Sprawled across Jeffu was BEN, who was tangled with Wicked, who was sprawled over you and her lower half sandwiched between Jeffu and BEN.
"GO home guys, your drunk!" You screamed at them, startling them awake.
What a morning...